


The cursed script

by Mirach



Series: My Good Omens stories [11]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Exorcisms, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Movie Crowley (Good Omens), Not Beta Read, Shadwell exorcises movie!Crowley, that 1992 movie script
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22277296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirach/pseuds/Mirach
Summary: The humans found a book. One that should have remained lost forever. But they were curious... and summoned a demon.  Aziraphale finds Crowley in the aftermath of dealing with that nasty situation.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: My Good Omens stories [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1517162
Comments: 31
Kudos: 121





	The cursed script

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick something I wrote as a reaction to that 1992 movie scriptbook that has been circulating in the last days. I'm not a native speaker and this was not betaed so there may be mistakes.

Aziraphale watched the amber liquid in a crystal bottle. He smiled at it as if the color reminded him on something pleasant. Then he opened the bottle of cologne and sprayed a little bit on his wrists. It was a cold January day, about four months since the world didn't end. Aziraphale has been looking forward to the evening for the whole day. 

He had a date.

An hour later, he was pacing in the bookshop. He took a book from the shelf he was passing and moved it to another shelf. He straightened his bowtie. He checked the clock. He checked the clock again.

Crowley was late. 

Crowley was never late. Something must have happened. 

Aziraphale was by the door of the flat in Mayfair in a few seconds, miraculously appearing just where he thought he might be needed. The door was not locked, and so he opened it a little and cautiously reached inside with his aura. He only felt Crowley, but before he could relax, worry hit him again. Something was off.

For the sake of propriety, he knocked on the already open door. “Crowley? Can I come in? Crowley!”

He got no response, and so he rushed in, imagining all the horrible things that could have happened to the demon. 

Instead, he found Crowley sitting on the sofa, half-way through a bottle of whiskey. More empty bottles were on the ground and a book was on the table. 

“Crowley! What are you doing?”

The demon lifted his bleary eyes, sunglasses hanging by one temple stuck behind his ear. “Azzzifa… Az… Angel! Whaddaya doin’... here?”

“We were supposed to have a date!” Aziraphale pouted, mildly offended. But then concern won in his expression. “And what are  _ you _ doing here? Are you alright?”

“Me? Nononono, you! ‘m sorry, angel! Sooooo sorry!”

“Crowley, what are you talking about?” Aziraphale sat down on the other edge of the sofa. “What happened? What are you sorry for? Please, sober up and talk to me.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Please, my dear?”

Crowley sighed. That expression in the angel’s eyes should be illegal, he thought. It was so hopeful and encouraging and it made him sick when he remembered… that. Sobering up might have been a good idea before he really was sick. 

“Ugh,” he grimaced as the bottles filled again. 

“Thank you,” Aziraphale said gently. He did not press, giving Crowley the time he needed. He just listened. He was really good at listening, offering a silence that could be filled with words. 

“I’m sorry I forgot about the date,” Crowley sighed.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We can get tickets some other day.” 

And there was the silence again.

“The humans,” Crowley said through gritted teeth. “How can they be so stupid, sometimes?”

“Free will, I guess?”

That elicited a chuckle from the demon. “So it’s my fault, you say?”

“Let’s not get into that debate again. So what have they done this time?”

“Ugh. They found a book.”

“This one?”

“Don’t touch it, angel!!!”

“But I’m immune to curses. It’s cursed, I assume?”

“Oh yes. Oh boy. You can’t imagine how cursed it is,” Crowley said darkly. “Do not touch it, please.”

“Alright, I won’t. I don’t sense any curse, though.”

“Believe me. There was a reason why this book has never been made public. There was a reason why it was hidden, forgotten. And what do they do? They get curious. They find it. Share it. Read it.”

“What did it do?”

“What would you expect? Summoned a demon.”

“Oh! Oh Crowley! Did you have to fight it? Whom did they summon? Why didn’t you call me?”

“Me.” Crowley spat the word like something bitter that he bit into.

“Oh dear. They trapped you? Must have been awful! I’m so sorry! I’m so glad you got out…”

“Another me.”

It seemed that the train of Aziraphale’s thoughts derailed. “What? Another you? How?”

“I don’t know. But it really was awful. He said such mean things about you! He was making fun of you for considering him a friend! He hated Earth and wanted to run away without you! He… He...”

“Easy, dear boy… It’s alright. That wasn’t you. You would never do such a thing, that’s absurd. Totally bonkers.”

“But… just the idea…”

“Shhh… Nobody would believe such an idea.” Aziraphale extended his hand towards the demon.

Crowley sniffled and leaned on it, seeking reassurance. “Just the thought that it exists…”

“But you dealt with him, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did, angel! Exorcised him back into the book!”

“You? I didn’t know you could exorcise.”

“Eh… Not really. I called Shadwell.”

Aziraphale’s eyebrows shot up. “Shadwell? Bell, book and candle Shadwell?  _ He _ managed to actually exorcise something?”

“‘twas a shitty demon.”

“How did you even think of calling Shadwell?”

“Didn’t know any other exorcist in this century. I told him it was a witch.”

“Why didn’t you call  _ me _ ? I could have smitten that imposter.”

Crowley shuddered. “No. Absolutely not. I didn’t want you to meet him.”

Aziraphale drew him closer into the embrace and Crowley wrapped himself around the angel. 

“I trust you, dearest,” Aziraphale said gently. “I assure you I would never believe anyone who would claim you said such things about me. But I will not touch the book if you don’t want it.”

“What do we do with it then? Lock it with a summoning sigil and hide it where nobody will find it again?”

Aziraphale snorted. “You don’t believe I would destroy a book, do you?”

“Well, it is a book. A very rare one, even. First edition.”

“And it makes you distressed. Summon hellfire, I will get holy water.”

**Author's Note:**

> Edit (Jan 18): Neil just said that spreading that script can have legal ramifications for him. If you downloaded it, please erase it, or at least keep it somewhere offline and never share it. I hope a story referencing its existence is okay, but I will take it down if needed.


End file.
